the black cocaine

Archive for August, 2009

My Date, Portia de Rossi.

Monday, August 17th, 2009

Hello, waiter. I’d like you to meet my date, Portia de Rossi. I’ll be having the abalone spinach salad with croutons flambeau, followed by the white blood sausage and english muffin torte in a pristine silvery mudpuddle dressing while being simultaneously slapped, flicked, noogied, tickled, trousered, bathed in egg, tweaked, lambasted and electrocuted, and for […]

My Charge, Kirstie Alley.

Sunday, August 16th, 2009

The details by which Kirstie Alley became my charge are lengthy and boring, so it will suffice to say at the least that she was placed under my legal guardianship when God himself disowned her for becoming too enormous. Apparently some long running dispute whereas she would have eaten all the turkey, ham, biscuits, penne […]

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